But I don't, so here are the things I have done in the last 24 hours.
1) I wanted to highlight my own hair to save myself the $200 it would cost me to have it done by a professional. I bought the kit, cracked it open and proceeded to mix the powder bleach with the creme. Then I applied it. After the 1 1/2 hours it took to painstakingly apply it, I realized that I had mixed the bleach with the after care conditioner rather than the developer.
Cried. Showered. Kicked myself in the ass for the rest of the night.
2) Craving egg salad. 5 eggs left. Put 3 in a pot with water, flame on high, wait for it to boil. Go downstairs, play with babies, answer emails. An hour goes by.
POP!!!!!!!!!! What the.....?
Uh oh, forgot the eggs were on the stove. Go to kitchen. Pot burning. One egg exploded all over floor. Two smoking rubber eggs still in pot. FUCK!
3) Fine, I'll have fried eggs and bacon for breakfast (Yes, I am still trying to lose weight. Plateaued on Slimfast, moved on to Atkins. Story for another day.) Cracked my last 2 eggs into hot pan, dropped already cooked bacon in to warm it up, removed eggs, left bacon in to get crisp. Went downstairs, checked emails, vacuumed.
Smell smoke. Uh oh. Forgot the bacon. Run upstairs.
As I reach the top step and run into kitchen, the smoke alarm goes off.
Kitchen filled with smoke. Dining room filled with smoke. House filled with smoke.
Take pan, throw it outside. I think I hit a squirrel in the head. Oops.
I obviously cannot be trusted with a stove. Cheerios for dinner tonight.
My brain after twins...