Monday, September 10, 2007

If I Only Had A Brain

But I don't, so here are the things I have done in the last 24 hours.

1) I wanted to highlight my own hair to save myself the $200 it would cost me to have it done by a professional. I bought the kit, cracked it open and proceeded to mix the powder bleach with the creme. Then I applied it. After the 1 1/2 hours it took to painstakingly apply it, I realized that I had mixed the bleach with the after care conditioner rather than the developer.
Cried. Showered. Kicked myself in the ass for the rest of the night.

2) Craving egg salad. 5 eggs left. Put 3 in a pot with water, flame on high, wait for it to boil. Go downstairs, play with babies, answer emails. An hour goes by.
POP!!!!!!!!!! What the.....?
Uh oh, forgot the eggs were on the stove. Go to kitchen. Pot burning. One egg exploded all over floor. Two smoking rubber eggs still in pot. FUCK!

3) Fine, I'll have fried eggs and bacon for breakfast (Yes, I am still trying to lose weight. Plateaued on Slimfast, moved on to Atkins. Story for another day.) Cracked my last 2 eggs into hot pan, dropped already cooked bacon in to warm it up, removed eggs, left bacon in to get crisp. Went downstairs, checked emails, vacuumed.
Smell smoke. Uh oh. Forgot the bacon. Run upstairs.
As I reach the top step and run into kitchen, the smoke alarm goes off.
Kitchen filled with smoke. Dining room filled with smoke. House filled with smoke.
Take pan, throw it outside. I think I hit a squirrel in the head. Oops.
I obviously cannot be trusted with a stove. Cheerios for dinner tonight.
My brain after twins...

12 comments:

Kim said...

TOO funny! We're still laughing!

Kim said...

p.s. The fire marshal wife said atleast the smoke detector worked. That's one good thing. ;o)

K J and the kids said...

NO SHIT !!!
OMG that picture is priceless !
THANK YOU...for the laugh.
Sooooo, I guess I will be helping you cook while I'm there.

The last picture needed to say...."This is your brain on drugs with twins"

See you tomorrow.

Holly said...

That picture is priceless! I'm so sorry.
All I can think of is "momma told me there'd be days like this..."

Babykins said...

Don't know what to say, I didn't have twins and some days my eggs and bacon turn out that way :) I do the low carb thing too, we'll have to chat. I'm all excited, wonderful visitors!!

MizB said...

Don't feel bad. I can't walk away from the stove when I cook. I forget until the smoke or alarm reminds me. And that's on a good day.LOL
Have a great time!!!

MizB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hotomiky said...

uh oh... we will help u cooking ;o)

it happened to me even tho I don't have twins!

Hope today is a better day for you! ;o)

Tammy said...

Regardless of your brainless antics, we love still love you. (I was laughing out loud at work while reading this!) You kill me!

Dee said...

OMG! Too hilarious!!! You so need to have a drink while on vaca with K & J while they're there.

ECand3 said...

If we didn't have a smoke detector we wouldn't have a house.
I wish Took a pic of the bacon, too, but my battery ran out.

I am totally having a drink or 10 while everyone is here.

Tam - "Brainless antics" - that's my girl - excellent phraeology.

Hoto - I will take all the help I can cooking.

Despite all the craziness, I had a great day - didn't get mad or crazy abou it at all. I think I'm just so dang excited about all my special guests that I don't even care.

Amy said...

AMEN SISTA!! I think any one who has a toddler and twins have a brain that looks like that.