Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest

DUMB

Our first born, Max (the dog) is really dumb sometimes. He got spooked by the wind blowing a plastic toy on the driveway. It made a noise and he freaked, knocking over Jake as he fled to safety. Of course Jake fell flat on his face. Poor little man. Max felt bad about it and hung his head in shame.

DUMBER

I played my 1st outdoor soccer game in 16 years on Sunday. I joined the league couple months ago and in the time between then and Sunday, I did NOTHING to prepare. BIG MISTAKE. HUGE! After 2 grueling 45 minute halves in sweltering heat, I came home, showered, and we packed up the kids to go to Pride in Asbury Park for the rest of the day. I was EXHAUSTED. We got home and ate and I retired immediately to bed after taking several Al*ve for the pain I knew was coming.

This was me getting ready for a header that should have caused me to be in a neckbrace.

Yupper! That's me slidetackling on the right - what was I thinking?

I just made a great pass. The Amazon in blue was my mark. Much of my pain is due to collisions with her. I did pass the ball through her legs, however - gratification enough for all the pain I am currently enduring.

PS - I definitely held my own and kicked some ass myself, but our offense was hurting and it ended in a tie, 0-0. Go Big D!

DUMBEST
Before leaving for work on yesterday morning, my most thoughtful wife woke me to give me 3 more Al*ve for the pain she knew I'd be facing the moment I tried to get out of bed. I took them and went back to sleep. I woke and hour later to babies screaming and feeling a little woozy, but I got up and went into the bathroom. That's when it all started. I could barely walk. This was partially from the pain, but mostly because I couldn't focus and was dizzy and felt as though I was going to pass out. I managed to get the babies downstairs. Olivia followed. As soon as I closed the gate I fell to my knees. I called Cindy and told her what was going on. She said she'd catch the next bus home, as she was still in the bus terminal b/c she had just disembarked from the one that brought her into the city. I called my neighbor to come take care of the kids until Cindy got home and then I promptly passed out on the couch for the next 4 hours. I heard nothing and remember nothing. Cindy came home, got the kids dressed and took them all to Olivia's school for the day. For the rest of the day, I could barely move. "What could this be?", you ask. "SHEER STUPIDITY!", I answer.

When we went to Utah to see K and J, I put a few muscle relaxers in an Al*ve bottle (just in case Cindy started freaking on the flight) so I wouldn't have to deal with them asking to see my ID when we went through security to check that it matched the name on the Rx bottle. It didn't. I thought this was a good idea. The bottle was put away in the medicine cabinet when we got home and never used again. These were the only 3 pills in the bottle and now they were in me. WTF! Does it get any dumber than that? No need to answer. The thing is that these pills were white, not blue, and my wife gave them to me anyway. I thought she may have been trying to kill me, but then I realized that is just CRAZY. I don't have nearly enough life insurance for her to hire a nanny. I guess it really was just an honest mistake.

Thankfully, there are no pictures of me passed out on the couch.

I woke today feeling much better, except for all the pain from my 1st mistake on Sunday. So we all got up, got dressed, and went outside to enjoy the beautiful day. It's the 1st day hot enough for me to let the kids run around in bathing suits and swimmies and get soaking wet.